East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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