Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
