I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
