I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
