3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
