I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize