so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
