While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
