ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
