So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize