Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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