did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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