I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
