I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
