google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I can't turn off my feet"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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