8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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