I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize