My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
