There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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