dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
