My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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