hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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