420 ftw
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
