I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
