i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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