I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
