as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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