Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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