Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
