I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
