my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
love makes seman taste better
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
