i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
