Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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