so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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