do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
