DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
