i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
