Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Randomize
