I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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