For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize