I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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