I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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