she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
