i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Randomize
