well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
