i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just want nice things and good sex
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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