I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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