i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
