I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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