her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
my poor anus
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
