I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
