Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize