Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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