my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
