Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just had sex bonerless
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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