What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
