I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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