1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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