All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
