my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
