Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
