i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
