Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
