Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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