I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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