i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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