Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
