I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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