i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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