hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
