girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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