you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize