Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
