I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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