Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
