its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
