my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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