it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
