but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
