I wish life had little blips of pornography
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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