some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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