If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
