no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
