she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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