Moan for me like Helen Keller
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize