PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
