he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
