We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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