the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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