This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
