I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
