I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
