I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
