dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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