i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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