after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
