I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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