I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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