um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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