I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
