you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize