Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
